Hello, Once Again

Ok, haven't posted in ages. I don't feel like I want to express to the whoel world what had just happened, but those who should know already knwo why I'm haven't been here. So that's taken care of. :)
Anyways, not going on much with my life, as soon I as I got back hoem I haven't been unbusy (is that even a word?) so hardly time to Blogger or Twitter. Now I have to check with your guy's updates then head to Twitter... Oh gravy... (lol, Tyz...)

wa wa wa. (that's supposed to be crying)

Am I like unlucky or what? Ok, so some person from the Twilight cast (idk who) was coming to our area for something, for the dvd thign or something. Annnnd... I didn't go. As ya'll know, I'm not in the US anymore, so I couldn't go. This is so not my month. lol. I mean I'm not crazy for Twilight but bit would be nice to see someone famous, grrr..... Ok, besides the fact that we're doing spring cleaning *sneeze* and that EVERYBODY, not me really :), is fighting! OMG, I got a head ache! I WANNA GO BACK HOME!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

just siting here crying, all alone

my grandma, who lives in Germany, had a heart attack and she's in the hospital. we're going to go visit her. she always had heart problems so I don't think she's going to make it. my parents came to my school after school and told me. I knew the news was horrible and I cried. and cried, my friend Diana was the most understanding. she cried with me and told everythign's going to be fine. I really wish I could believe her, but I know it woud just be getting my hopes up. we're leaving tommorrow, we're packing right now. my mom's completely depressed and my dad's trying his best to cheer her up, and well, I'm just trying to get out of everyone's way. I'm excited that I will see my family, but in this occasion? It's so bittersweet. everything reminds me of my grandma. I'm always in tears. we went shopping to get last minute things. I feel like I can never smile again.Before I finish my post, I remeber when I told my friends they tried to make me happy and laugh. I laughed a bit. Then they all left and Diana was the only one left. That's when I broke out in tears. We both cried and cried. I kept saying "she's gone, diana. she's gone," and told kept tellign me everything will be OK. I don't know who to talk to right now, I feel so alone. so empty. I never knew how much it hurted to loose a loved one.Of course, they still don't know if she's alive, but it doesn't look good. thanks for listening you guys..oh ya and i probably can't come online until april..

Confuzzled

Ok, I have no idea what to do... I go to a class on Saturday mornings for two hours, I personally don't really like the class, Sure I have friends there, but no one really close. I'm always alone at the end. (the part where we wait for someone to pick us up.) They have a bunch of hard tests and my teachers are mean. Most of my friend's moms have talked to my mom and are thinking about not going to the class anymore. My mom told me this and I've been trying to tell her I don't want to go anymore. When I told her I don't want to anymore, she thought it was because my friends might not go anymore. Now she's mad at me and says that I never follow anything. I said that I didn't like anything I went to, except for band. And she said "Is band all your going to do?" personally that kinda insulted me, I know it's my mom and she didn't mean to say it like that, but it sounded like band was nothing important. She said I'm going to regret it and my Saturdays are just going to get ruined. I didn't say anything cuz I didn't want it to be an argument, but you know, sometimes I wonder why my mom really wants me to go. It doesn't make sense. It's ridicilously expensive, they ask you to do so maaany stuff, the teachers are mean and snobby, they give us bunch of homework, and like they're so sterotyping. I don't know waht to do! How should I tell my mom?
It sounds like my mom's a really weird person, but she's actually really nice, but everyone has their ups and downs.
ok, I didn't publish this post hwen I wrote it. It's about two hours later and me and my mom are "ok" again. :) My classes are kinda uhhh "unenjoyable" but for now I'll continue.

Haven't Posted in Awhile

Hey you guys! I haven't posted here in a few days, but nothing much has really happened... Ok, so I can't comment on anybody's blog because when the "word verifacation" comes it says "loading" and it never comnes. So yeah..
Just wanted to post this: I'm pretty sure you guys don't know that my mom is racist. Not like they can't come to the same school, restaunt, water fountain stuff. But like "a black shouldn't date/marry a white" type. I hate it. I absolutly hate it. I respect my mom's opinion, but seriously? My own MOM! I really feel bad, idk why. I don't want to pity her or anything but I think it's the wrong choice. I'm defiantly nothing close to racist, neither is my dad. I don't know what to do! Please help! Thanks you guys!